What to Do When You Notice Mum or Dad Needs Support

It often starts with something small. Maybe Mum isn’t keeping on top of the housework like she used to. Or perhaps Dad seems a little more forgetful, or you’ve noticed unopened post piling up on the sideboard.

You brush it off at first, after all, everyone has off days. But over time, a quiet worry starts to build. Is this just a natural part of getting older, or is it a sign that they need more support?

This is a crossroads many families face, and it’s not always easy to know when or how to take the next step. At Bluebird Care Worthing, we regularly speak with sons, daughters, and spouses who are noticing these early changes and wondering what to do next. If that’s where you are now, you’re not alone, and you don’t have to make big decisions overnight.

Here’s some gentle guidance to help you understand what’s happening, what options are available, and how to move forward without overwhelming yourself or your loved one.

 1. Recognising the Signs That Support May Be Needed

Not every change is cause for concern, but certain patterns can suggest that someone is struggling with aspects of daily living. These signs can be subtle at first, so it helps to step back and look at the bigger picture.

Some common signs include:

• Changes in personal hygiene – wearing the same clothes for days, not bathing regularly, or looking generally unkempt
• Weight loss or poor diet – signs that they may not be eating properly, or forgetting to shop
• Medication issues – missed doses, confusion about what to take, or taking the wrong pills
• Memory lapses – forgetting familiar names or tasks, getting confused about the day or time
• Withdrawal from social contact – avoiding activities or people they used to enjoy
• Neglected housekeeping or bills – a normally tidy home becomes noticeably messy, unpaid letters stacking up
• Frequent minor accidents or falls – bumping into furniture, losing balance, or unexplained bruises

You might spot one or two of these things or just get a general “something’s not quite right” feeling. Trust your instincts. You know them best.

2. Starting the Conversation

Talking to a loved one about getting help is one of the hardest parts of this journey. Many people feel worried about upsetting their parent, damaging trust, or being met with resistance.

Here are some ways to ease into the conversation:

• Choose the right moment – a calm, quiet time where you won’t be rushed or interrupted
• Lead with concern, not control – focus on your worry for their wellbeing, not what they’re “doing wrong”
• Ask, don’t tell – “How are you finding things at home?” opens more doors than “You can’t cope anymore”
• Be patient – if the first conversation doesn’t go well, try again another day. Planting the seed is still progress.
• Reassure them – let them know your goal isn’t to take over, it’s to help them stay safe and independent, in their own home, for as long as possible

These conversations can take time, and that’s okay. What matters is creating space for honesty and showing your loved one they’re not alone.

3. Small Steps Make a Big Difference

You don’t need to jump straight into full-time care. In fact, many people begin with just a little extra support, an hour a day to help with meals, or a few weekly visits for medication prompts or companionship.

Starting small allows everyone to adjust gradually. It can help reduce anxiety, build trust, and demonstrate the benefits of support without overwhelming your loved one.

Some families begin with:

• Help around the house with cleaning, laundry, or grocery shopping
• Support with personal care, washing, dressing, hair washing, shaving
• Medication reminders and safety checks
• Companionship to reduce loneliness and help maintain routines

These early interventions can prevent small challenges from becoming big ones and give you all peace of mind.

4. Getting Advice Before You Decide

You don’t have to have all the answers. One of the most valuable things you can do is seek professional advice early, even if you’re not ready to arrange care yet.

At Bluebird Care Worthing, we often meet with families for an informal chat just to explore what might be possible, answer questions, and share what others have done in similar situations. There’s no pressure. Sometimes, just knowing your options can bring a sense of relief.

You can also speak to your parent’s GP if you’re concerned about their health or memory, and you might want to explore local authority support or financial guidance if care becomes necessary in future.

 5. Looking After Yourself, Too

It’s easy to get caught up in worry, research, and responsibility when you start caring for a parent. But your well-being matters, too. You’re more likely to make good decisions and sustain support if you’re also taking care of your own emotional health.

• Talk to someone you trust, a friend, a partner, or a support group
• Keep a simple record of changes or incidents so you don’t have to rely on memory
• Give yourself permission to feel uncertain, it’s normal
• Remember that seeking help is not giving up, it’s stepping up

Final Thoughts

Noticing that a parent is struggling can bring a mix of emotions, sadness, anxiety, and even guilt. But it can also be the start of something positive: a chance to support them in maintaining their independence, dignity, and safety for years to come.

Start with gentle conversations. Stay curious, not critical. And take one small step at a time.

If and when you need support, Bluebird Care Worthing is here to help, whether that’s with advice, a few hours of care each week, or something more. You don’t have to figure it all out at once, and you don’t have to figure it out alone.